Toxicity in relationships

Two beautiful human beings. Coming together with a lot of hope to make a happy future. Beautiful memories. Deeply committed towards each other. Can't think of a moment without each other. Can't be without each other for a moment. Clingy. The envied 'perfect' romantic couple. An overwhelming chemistry. Deep intellectual connection. 

Over time. Something subtly enters the relationship without either one's notice. The same person who received total love, care, and attention from their partner suddenly starts to feel breathless, out of space, and obstructed when around their partner. They feel invaded, they feel less and less happy about each other, yet can't figure out what went wrong. Slowly, the chemistry fades, romance turns into denial, cuddles turn into fights, and peace turns into chaos. 

Over time, it evolves in multiple different ways where couples who are non-introspective go on repeating the loops with each other, the introspective ones might gracefully decide - 'it is no longer working' - and repeat the same cycle over and over again with different people. Voila, we have a market for this - 'toxicity'. The relationship has been poisoned.

There was nothing wrong, or at least that is what they thought - the initial days were no less than a fairytale. 

So... what really went wrong?

Two simple words - individual purpose, and creating boundaries. Often, in deep emotional inclusivity, some of us tend to lose a sense of individual purpose, and for emotionally sensitive and empathetic people, their beloved becomes their purpose. Healthy boundaries get dissolved. Seems good for a while, but what is happening at the back is a sense of deep attachment, possession, and a slow urge to control every little action of each other. 

At some point after the bonding energy is resolved between the couple, the stable state of the mind looks at this dynamic of loss of individual purpose and no boundaries as very harmful - it actually is. These small incidents build up to form subconscious resentment - the source of conflicts, and hence, without any conscious fault of anyone, unconsciously, the relationship poisons. 

The solution is simple to implement before it is too late. It is necessary for both to realise that individual lives find fulfilment through the realisation of the individual self, rather than becoming overly dependent on and possessive of one another. Building a strong purpose for the self, wherever it naturally urges to grow, investing into gaining knowledge, applying it to create things in the world and for oneself, having a healthy social connection, and consciously setting up boundaries for each other and respecting them, forms the pillar to a healthy and sustaining long-term, cherishing relationship with the spark always between. 

One person shouldn't be the other person's destiny, but rather a mere path to a contented life - because at the end, everything, every feeling, every investment made is bound by a time here on Earth - which is actually not much, and is forever uncertain. Hence, everyone deserves a relationship that is transformative, loving, respectful, and at the best case slowly transforms into being deeply devotional.